In preparation for my return to the US...

...I decided to do the opposite of what they told us to do in Russia during the "culture shock" lecture: make a list of five things I will not, in any way, shape or form, miss about St. Petersburg.

All right. So I won’t miss the metro. I’ll miss the metro’s existence, the beauty of its stations, its low prices, and its reliability, but I won’t miss riding on it. That’s one.

I won’t miss the biting cold, or the near-constant darkness, no matter how absolutely gorgeous the city looks in the snow and at night. That’s two.

I won’t miss the lousy food service, although I will miss a lot of the food here (blini!) and its cheapness. That’s three.

I won’t miss the fact that Russian girls sound like they’re whining no matter what they’re saying. Although some of them are really quite nice, and in general I enjoy the existence of Russian girls—they make me work harder than usual at looking presentable, and their outlandish fashions make the dreariness of commuting more entertaining. But still...that’s four.

Finally, I won't miss the scary, android-like rhythmic clapping at plays, operas, ballets, concerts and yes, even jazz shows. But realistically, how many plays, ballets, operas, concerts and jazz shows am I going to be able to go to back in the US? They're so cheap and so easy to get to in St. Petersburg--and did I mention how freaking amazing most of them, even the cheapest ones, are? That's five.

Shit.