Back and more confused than ever.

So last week in conducting class, the professor told me I wasn't confident enough--that instead of standing up and demanding what I wanted out of the ensemble, I looked like I was apologizing for being there.
It made me think. If the past year has taught me anything, it's that I'm capable of being confident. I can be assertive. I can get what I want. I can go to a city where I know absolutely no one and have an apartment and a job within a week. I can love the way I look. I can ask guys out on dates. I can introduce myself to complete strangers, even ones who don't speak my language. I can be a leader.
I can do all those things and more...everywhere, that is, except for that pesky little strip of land in between Mexico and Canada.
How fucked up is that? I'm only genuinely happy and comfortable with myself when I'm in situations that would scare most others half to death. Meanwhile, in this small liberal arts environment where young people are practically force-fed individual attention and encouragement, I can barely function.
I don't get it. I just don't get it...